Harmless Error
Monday, February 09, 2004
  Need Assistance Ok, so several of my fellow Moritz Bloggers have questioned me about the lack of links to other Blogs, but the problem is I am new to this and can't figure out how to do it. I am using Blogger so if anyone can tell me how to add this nice little list of links to the side of of Blog I will be happy to place the links on this blog. Feel free to use the comment feature (which I did manage to figure out how to use). Thanks! 
Sunday, February 08, 2004
  Letter to My Brain I found the little discussion that the mediocre law student had with their brain very entertaining. It got me thinking about the discussions all law students would have with their brains if they could, and I came up with the following . . .

"A Law Student's Letter to Their Brain"

Dear Brain:

I know we have not had a wonderful relationship lately. In fact, we are barely on speaking terms most days. Nonetheless, in an attempt to improve our relationship I have the following requests of you . . .

1. Please wake up when the alarm goes off in the morning. It makes my day very difficult when I have to get up, get dressed, brush my teeth, splash water on my face, scrape ice off the car, drive all the way to the fifth level of the parking garage, walk two city blocks in blinding wind, stop for a $4.00 coffee, and get to class on time, when you only leave me 22 minutes to accomplish all of this.

2. Please resist the effects of alcohol. Since you will only turn off, and let me sleep soundly, when I have consumed an unhealthy quantity of alcohol I am developing a borderline dependence on Pabst Blue Ribbon. This is beginning to interfere with my studies and my class performance, especially since it leads to oversleeping and then you give me only 17 minutes to accomplish my morning tasks. (See #1 above).

3. Please stop heeding the request from my right arm to go up in class everyday. I know you think you are very smart and that the things you are thinking will be profound and moving, but really, let me tell you, it's not profound it's just downright annoying. Because you respond every day (sometimes every class) to the request from the right arm I am becoming a social outcast. Maybe you don't know what a "gunner" is, but I do and so do my classmates, so I implore you, only let that arm go up occasionally. And, by occasionally I do not mean every other class--I mean every other week.

4. Please immediately cease and desist from taking note of my Professor's subtle, yet stunning, attractiveness. It compels me to raise my arm in an attempt to impress, and that just creates trouble. (See #3 above). Yes, I get it . . . attractive in a nerdy lawyer kind of way, but we have to move on now. I have been receiving the messages, and I am ignoring them on purpose--so stop.

5. Please don't resist the notion of the "legal fiction" or constructive terms. I know you are accustomed to dwelling in reality where Monday is Monday, and possession means you actually have something, but I am training to be a lawyer now, and reality is just whatever the judge says it is. When reality does not conform to what the judge wants to do, they create a legal fiction, and reality suddenly shifts. Do you remember when we watched The Matrix? It is like that, reality is only in the mind, which means you have the power. Please just let it happen. You cannot resist this any longer, because it leaves me confused, and of course leads to hand-raising, which we already established is a problem.

These are my most basic requests, there are others, but I know you are feeling overworked right now so I will give you a break. If you will not get on board and heed my requests there may be consequences. After all, there are forces bigger than both of us trying to make me "think like a lawyer" and if you cannot, or will not submit to that, I will have to trade you in for a more cynical, slightly less ethical, and far more creative model.

Best Wishes,

Your Law Student

P.S. Ok, this really is the last thing . . . 100 pages of reading in one sitting is really not that much. When we get to that point and you start seizing and screaming for Reality TV and Franzia "Wine in a Box" it's really a problem for me because we are only through half of the reading. Please, go to the gym, work out, do what you have to, but I need a lot more stamina from you. Oh, and 1 hour and 45 minutes into an exam is not an acceptable time to start thinking about the awesome nap ahead of us, I really need you to stay with me for the entire 4 hours. 
  Warranty Liability Damn. I shouldn't have said in the post yesterday that the article was a "guaranteed laugh" because now I am concerned that I may have created some kind of "express warranty" and crazy law students reading this who need money may come and sue me. Now, that would violate the first rule of litigation "sue solvent parties".

Nonetheless, the laughter is not "guaranteed", but if it doesn't make you laugh . . . well, then you just need to lighten up and try harder! 
Saturday, February 07, 2004
  Legal Writing To anyone out there struggling with the strictures of legal writing, especially of the academic variety, check out "The World's Greatest Law Review Article". It is a guaranteed laugh to any other law students out there ashamed to admit that they know more about The Bluebook rules than any human being should ever know.

Friday, February 06, 2004
  First, the preliminary matters. I am new to this whole blogging thing, but being the desperate conformist I am (after all I am a law student) I could no longer resist the voice in my head screaming "EVERYONE IS DOING IT" so I figured why not sit at my computer and share my fascinating life with the entire world. After all, there is nothing in the world I like to think about or talk about more than myself, and I am sure that other people will find my life as interesting. A little about what this blog is about. Based on my extensive research I have learned there are several types of blogs ranging from the serious "issue blogs" to the "cathartic release blogs" ( you know those people who can't afford therapy so they share details no one else should know with perfect strangers). I am not interested in any of this. The sole purpose, well let's call it the predominant purpose, or well maybe the gravamen of this blog is NOTHING. Call it the Jean Paul Sartre Existential blog extravaganza. Call it a social experiment in how much a person can write about nothing, and even more interesting how many people will read it. Another disclaimer: This is not a blog where I am going to give random tips to interested persons about law school and how to succeed in law school. There must be 5,000 books out there about how to succeed in law school so buy one and read it. And more than that there are too many damn people in law school already basically flooding the market and making it harder for everyone to get a job. So, if you are so insecure that you need to email some random "blogger" about your fears about law school please stay away. Go be a doctor, or an engineer, or a basket-weaver, just stay out of law school. There are too many neurotic people here already.

So, it seems that the first step in blogging is to let people know a something about you so that they feel invested and want to read the random details of your life on the web. So, here is a little about me . . .

I am a second year law student at Ohio State . . . wait this is boring already and I see you hitting that link to lawdork's blog so I better start over and try to do this in a non-resume sort of way.

Ok, I wear a watch everyday, and even to bed, but it rarely tells the right time and I am as likely to be 15 minutes early as I am to be 15 minutes late. I speak only one language, which deep down I find shameful, but to compensate for my feelings of inadequacy I just avoid Europeans. So what you can speak five languages, we have 780 brands of potato chips, and The Bachelor. I came to law school because I couldn't think of anything better to do and now I just wish someone would file a Habeas petition to get me out of here. I am struggling to become a productive member of my own life. I read Proust and Kirkegaard, but I cannot resist The National Enquirer. On a map I could correctly point out Iraq, Iran, Saudi Arabia, and even the United Arab Emirates, but I could not accurately identify Missouri or Arkansas on a map of the United States. I have been to five foreign countries, but I have never been west of Illinois. I have seen the Thames, the Rhine, and the Mediterranean Sea, but I have never seen the Mississippi River. I graduated from college and will soon graduate from law school and yet I cannot do long division, regularly count on my fingers, and somehow I have never read The Catcher in the Rye.

Ok, I think that is enough for now. Let's see where this goes from here. 
  Can it really be this easy to start a blog? 
This blog contains the random, and generally incoherent, thoughts of a second year law student and is dedicated to all those poor souls who live a life in the law.

02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004 /

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